zhang91

Now, in this deep crease of
the night with the wind roaring outsideI’d been
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so fixated on the goddam show that I’d never
thought much about who I might have given work to
before the show
Can I have it?
My memory, still apt to be so balky, sometimes
surprised me with bursts of Technicolor brillianceI saw Ilse standing barefoot
in Little Pink, dressed in shorts and a shell top
She was standing by my easelI had to ask her to
move so I could see the picture she was so taken
withThe picture I didn’t even remember doing
Can I have it?
When she stood aside, I saw a little girl in a
tennis dressHer back was turned, but she was the
focus of the pictureThe red hair marked her as
Reba, my little love, that girlfriend from my
other lifeYet she was also Ilse – chanel purses bags Rowboat Ilse -
and Elizabeth’s big sister Adriana as well, for
that was Adie’s tennis dress, the one with the
fine blue loops along the hem(I couldn’t know
this, but I did; it was news that had come
whispering up from Elizabeth’s pictures – pictures
done when she was still known as Libbit
Can I have it? This is the one I want
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Or the one something wanted her to want
I tried Ilse, Pam had saidI wasn’t sure I’d
reach her, but she just got in
All around the doll-girl’s feet were tennis balls
Others floated shoreward on the mild waves
She sounded tired, but she’s okay
Was she? Was she really? I had given her that
damned pictureShe was my Miss Cookie, and I
could refuse her nothingI had even named it for
her, because she said artists had to name their
picturesThe discount hermes End of the Game, I’d told her, and
now that clanged in my head like a bell
iv
There was no phone extension in the guest bedroom,
so I crept out into the hall with my silver
harpoon clutched in one handIn spite of my need
to get through to Ilse as soon as possible, I took
a moment to peer in through the open doorway
across the hallWireman was lying on his back
like a beached whale, snoring peacefullyHis own
silver harpoon was beside him, along with a glass
of water
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I went past the family portrait, down the stairs,
and into the kitchenHere the rush of the wind
and the roar of the surf was louder than everI
picked up the phone and heardDid you think Perse would neglect the
phones?
Then I looked at the handset and saw buttons for
two linesIn the kitchen, replica tiffany jewelry at least, just picking
up the phone wasn’t enoughI said a little prayer
under my breath, pushed the button marked LINE 1,
and was rewarded with a dial toneI moved my
thumb to the button, then realized I couldn’t
remember Ilse’s telephone numberMy address book
was back at Big Pink, and her telephone number had
gone entirely out of my head
v
The phone began to make a sirening soundIt was
small – I had laid the handset down on the counter
- but it seemed loud in the shadowy kitchen, and
it made me think of bad thingsPolice cars
responding to acts of violenceAmbulances rushing
to the scenes of accidents
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I pushed the cut-off button, then leaned my head
against the chilly brushed-steel front of El
Palacio’s big refrigeratorIn front of me was a
magnet reading knock off chanel FAT IS THE NEW THINRight, and
dead was the new aliveNext to the magnet was a
magnetized pad-holder and a stub of pencil on a
string
I pushed the LINE 1 button again and dialed 411
The automated operator welcomed me to Verizon
Directory Assistance and asked me for city and
stateI said “Providence, Rhode Island,”
enunciating as though on stageSo far, so good,
but the robot choked on Ilse no matter how
carefully I enunciatedIt rolled me over to a
human operator, who checked and told me what I had
already suspected: Ilse’s number was unpublished
I told the operator I was calling my daughter, and
the call was importantThe operator said I could
talk to a supervisor, who would probably be
willing to make an enquiry call on my behalf, but
not until eight AM eastern black chanel quilted bag